In my role as a wedding celebrant, it concerns me that the vows made for a lifetime have a solid foundation of understanding and awareness to turn the celebration of romance into the joy of daily reality.

Here are seven keys for marriage building to reflect on as you prepare for your wedding.

1. Balance personal and professional objectives

Successful marriage partnership is built around your shared values. What do you value most in your partner? How do you envisage yourselves growing and developing with the loving you share? How do you see yourselves balancing your lives, together with your career visions? What key principles are important for you to feel safe and secure?

2. Developing your ability to communicate well

Talk to each other, and most importantly listen. Stand up for what is important for you without making your loved one wrong. Create a feeling of safety between you, and give the other space to be himself, or herself. Be open to learning something new.

3. Understanding your different love languages

Dr Gary Chapman wrote about the five love languages that couples use to express their love for each other. When differences occur, it could be because your love languages are not the same. Learn your personal love languages. Dr Chapman’s book will help you. The 5 Love Languages

4. Managing your money

More than ever, it is important that couples embarking on marriage take accountability for their finances. The old principles are good ones. Here are a few of them. Earn more than you spend. Save a little each pay day. Create a prudent reserve for when times are hard. Keep your financial house in order. Create an intention for enjoying financial health and well-being in your partnership.

5. Using differences constructively

As individuals, you are likely to experience disagreements. You can use those times to create greater understanding between each other. Be open and willing to make happiness more important than being right. Learning from conflicts will deepen and strengthen your love.

6. Forgiving

In my experience, the willingness to forgive brings out our deepest resources of loving. I have witnessed forgiveness being transformational for couples. Forgiving heals.

Read my article How To Forgive – And Be Happy Now to understand how forgiving can be effective.

7. Keeping your love alive

Take time out from your careers and family to simply be together. Find creative ways of touching and being tender towards each other. Even in the busiest of days, remember to connect with the loving you share. It will grow.

This reading speaks to the value of time together alone.

A Walled Garden, author unknown

‘Your marriage’, he said, ‘Should have within it a secret and protected space, open to you alone.
Imagine it to be a walled garden,
entered by a door to which you only hold the key.
Within this garden you will cease to be a mother, father, employee, homemaker or any other of the roles which you fulfill in daily life.

Here you are yourselves, two people who love each other.
Here you can concentrate on one another’s needs.’

Acknowledge and praise each other for your achievements. Notice and appreciate the sweet qualities – and quirky ones – you love in your beloved. Do so often. Gratitude will amplify your bond.

The marriage journey embarks with a wedding celebration of great hope for the future. The practical tools of understanding and preparation can turn this dream into a treasured reality.

What keys have you found indispensable for happiness in your marriage? I would love to know. Please drop me a line at weddingceremonies@me.com or leave a comment in the space below.

Marriage is an investment, probably the greatest you will ever make. This investment includes your time, your commitment to love one other person for a lifetime, and yes your money.

Marriage failure is expensive – mentally, emotionally and financially. Marriage success is the foundation for a happy family life, a solid financial foundation, peace of mind and emotional well-being.

The Orchid Premium Wedding Ceremony

Your wedding day is arguably the most important day in your lives. Countering the stresses and tensions that lead up to the day itself, you will benefit from the understanding brought by my seven years’ experience of wedding design and celebration. I appreciate the fact that I have prepared and conducted many ceremonies, and that you have not. From my extensive experience, I am able to guide you. I help you to avoid pitfalls and answer the questions that you didn’t even know you had.

The Orchid Premium Wedding will make a difference for you by:

1.              Taking the worry and stress out of creating a meaningful wedding celebration

You can relax about your ceremony, knowing that all has been well taken care of. On your special day, you are free to enjoy the sweetness of simply being together, sharing your commitment in the presence of your loved ones.

2.              Working alongside the two of you to create what you really want, honouring your values and vision for the wedding and your marriage as a whole.

Creating together, we will ensure that the vows you make to each other fit the commitment you are making.

3.              Designing a wedding that is truly unique,  perfectly matching your dream for a meaningful celebration that everyone will remember fondly.

Where many weddings seem the same, your ceremony will be truly distinctive and personal because it is created especially for you.

4.              Bringing two families happily together to create a new community of family and friends to support you both in your new life together

All of your guests are happy and feel included.

5.              Creating a ceremony that bridges differences of culture, nationality and faith and touches the hearts of all

It is important that the words of your ceremony text bring your community together and that they feel special and welcome.

6               Caring, thoughtful preparation, not only for a smooth wedding but also to prepare the path for lifelong happiness in your healthy marriage partnership.

There is joy in the preparation. You will be confident that on the day, everything will be beautiful. The beauty of your love will sparkle and shine and be an inspiration to those dear to you, who come to witness your special day.

Click here for more information on the Orchid Premium Wedding Service

The Renewal of Vows celebration is a blessing for your future.  It offers you time to celebrate the uniqueness of your love. As you do so, the love you have for each other deepens and expands.

Life turning points, such as starting a family, the empty nest when children leave home, relocation, retirement, making a fresh start after a challenging time, all make demands on a marriage. These changes invite a re-evaluation of your partnership.

Renewing your vows can take place one, five, seven or ten years after your marriage. In the later years, you may wish to celebrate your 25th (Silver), 30th (Pearl), 40th (Ruby), 50th (Gold), 55th (Emerald), 60th (Diamond), 65th (Blue Sapphire) and 70th (Platinum).

With maturity, personal values evolve. The vows you made initially may need to be brought up to date with your priorities now.

As you re-affirm the care you have for each other, and appreciate the value of your partnership, old issues become blessings. You may now better accept your differences, and be more tolerant.

Reflecting on your years together, you may recall moments of joy, laughter and fun. Old misunderstandings, miscommunications or disappointment can be relegated to the past and replaced by greater wisdom, humour and understanding.

The romance and passion you knew when you first met can be re-kindled.  The spark of your early love can grow brighter and into a more profound experience that is truly lifelong and rewarding.

This special celebration is an opportunity to set a new intention and vision for the next phase of life, with the vows that will support it.

How to go about creating your Celebration

First of all, we will discuss either in person, over Skype or phone, how you envisage your ceremony and what you have in mind.

Your Renewal of Vows may take place with yourselves alone, or with your children, or with a few close friends, or a larger scale celebration. Your venue could be your own home, an exotic destination, a cruise liner, a favourite place where you have spent holidays in the past, for example. Think about your dream location.

Next, I will send you an Assessment to begin thinking about the Vows you now wish to make with each other. This is for your own use and reflection. I do not need to see your responses, unless you would like to share them with me. I am happy to give assistance with writing your Vows if you would like. Sample Vows are available to give you some ideas. We can exchange emails to ensure that the Vows are the way you wish them to be.

With this process you will easily come up with the beautiful words that express the love and care you have for each other, and the promises you now wish to make.

When I have your Vows, Readings and any special features you may wish to include, I will draw up a draft ceremony for you to look through. Email support will be given to make sure that your ceremony text is exactly the way you would like it to be.

If you have any questions about preparing and planning your Renewal of Vows celebration, please feel free to contact me:

weddingceremonies@me.com

November Sunrise over the Mediterranean

Two weeks before I was due to leave Cannes for a few days away, I received a request for a short “elopement” wedding, presently popular with many North Americans.

Elopement typically means that the couple come away from home to a destination of their choice, either alone or with a couple of friends, to exchange their vows and rings in the presence of a celebrant.  Paris is a popular destination. Cannes works just as well, and is usually warmer and sunnier.

The couple who contacted me came from Vancouver, Canada. From their photos, sent so that I would recognize them, they seemed very young. They wanted a simple, symbolic ceremony, no longer than 15 minutes. They would provide the text. They were on a budget.

The text, a government script, struck me as being as dry as old bones. Surely, if they were coming to the South of France, they might want something a little more romantic or heartfelt. They were not particularly romantic. Could I offer a reading that could be woven to the text?  So I did and they did a good job including it into their original.

We found a window of time that worked in their travel schedule, the evening before I left for England. The weather looked a little uncertain. I trusted it would hold.

Carlton Intercontinental Hotel, Cannes

We met in the lobby of the Carlton Intercontinental Hotel on Cannes’ prestigious Croisette. From there we walked towards an area of park and palm trees. Close to my favorite ginkgo biloba trees, we found the place that felt right to them for their ceremony.

The joy, excitement and enthusiasm for their journey of adventure to Paris and the South of France, and now into the joint responsibilities of marriage partnership inspired me. Young love has not yet been tempered by the fires and trials that test married life. The loving is no less. It is just different.

International and intimate, family and close friends came from Australia, Switzerland, Italy, Germany, England and France to celebrate in the beautiful gardens of the Le Chateau de la Chevre d’Or, high above the Mediterranean.

We were blessed by a clear, warm sunny afternoon with the sounds of a waterfall in the background.

Flowers for signing the Certificate

A second marriage for both bride and groom, many of the guests had known them for a long time and so I experienced their good wishes as being especially heartfelt. There is something about mature love that I find very endearing. Life teaches so much, and perhaps above all to be more accepting and less demanding than in our earlier years.

Linda Alaniz Hornsby whose work I know well and love, came to take photographs.  I appreciated how discreet she was during the ceremony.

The couple generously invited me to join them for an exquisite celebratory dinner in the evening. I sat next to the mother of a bride whose ceremony I had conducted near Avignon last year, and who had recommended me for this occasion. It was lovely to catch up with her news and news of her daughter and son-in-law, both very happy.

Simon Hale of Azur Biz Entertainment provided background music during the dinner and a great selection of upbeat music afterwards – to which everyone danced, until perhaps a little later than had been originally planned. It was a lot of fun.

Especially moving for me were the speeches, translated into French or English. They gave me glimpses into the qualities and strengths of the couple, both together and as individuals. I felt very honoured to be included in their gathering.

Florence Wauquier, Event Coordinator of the Chevre d’Or,  efficient and friendly as always,  helped to make the occasion special and memorable for everyone.

The delightful Hotel Belles Rives in Juan Les Pins provided its breathtaking setting for the wedding of a couple whose families and friends came from England, France and Scotland. On this the apparently hottest day of the year, we enjoyed the colour of Scottish kilts, more usually seen in the colder climate of Scotland than the high heat of the Mediterranean summer.

Wedding scene by the sea in Juan Les Pins

The warmth of the climate was more than matched by the warmth of the celebration. This couple were especially courageous in having written their own vows, speaking them to each other for the first time on their special day. No one was left in any doubt about the depth of their devotion and love.

Four bridesmaids wore beautiful pink dresses and shared readings during the ceremony. Their joy was evident, almost as if they had been waiting for this day for some time.

Thomas of  Love Story ensured good photos were taken of the occasion. I am looking forward to seeing the results of his work. Julian of Dierickx did an excellent job of coordinating the music for the ceremony.

Anglo Saxons are not accustomed to showing emotion. Once again, I reassured couple and guests of the nature of tears at a wedding.  About which, more here in my recent article on The Huffington Post:  In Praise of Tears of Joy

What made this wedding memorable for me was the beauty of the love being celebrated and the sense that here was a couple, destined to be together and to enjoy many more celebrations in the future.

Rain had fallen heavily the day before. Hearts had sunken.  We did not come away from England to the South of France to be in the wet. On the day, the sky was pristine blue, the sun shone brightly – and it was hot. This was not the first time I have noticed that the sky gets a good washing the day before a wedding. The mystic in me wonders about that.

The couple, close family and friends arrived at the magnificent Peymeinade  villa a few days in advance. They had taken full advantage of the swimming pools, beautiful views and generous facilities to relax and gracefully prepare for the special day.

A great deal of creative thought had gone into not only the wedding service itself but also the decoration and best use of the area around the swimming pool where the ceremony was held – right down to where the shade would fall  from trees at 5 pm for the bride and groom to be as cool as possible. A string of stemmed orchids had been arranged in a heart shape on the surface of the pool.

Stemmed orchids in heart shape on the water

DJ Ben Norris perfectly arranged a cordless mic on a stand so that guests were easily able to hear the vows being exchanged. A good sound system is so important for everyone to  fully enjoy and participate in the ceremony. For a “hymn”, we all stood to sing The Beach Boys’ God Only Knows – a first for me and a lot of fun.

Ushers – men very noticeably wearing deep pink ties were discreetly available – to take care of parking, distributing service programmes, final arrangements of standing vases of flowers for the ceremony. Bridesmaids wore the most elegant dresses in the same deep pink.

Photographer Desi Fontaine from England had a wealth of photogenic opportunities in the exceptional grounds of the villa. I am looking forward to seeing the images she captured.

My experience of this large gathering of family and friends was one that matched a word I heard used several times – “excellent”. Great care and loving attention had been given to every small detail to make the occasion as very special as it was.  As my father would have said – marvellous! Once again, I was very blessed, and grateful to be have part of such a sweet occasion.

Yesterday’s wedding at the Hotel La Voile d’Or was for the most part bathed in hot sunshine. The venue was new to me. Down by the port of Saint Jean Cap Ferrat, it is a charming location for an intimate family wedding.

Wayne Riley had worked his flower architecture magic with white and cream hydrangea and roses decorating the wedding area. The bride carried a thick bunch of lilies of the valley with their beautiful scent. Here in France, I associate lilies of the valley with “porte bonheur” – bringing happiness. How appropriate for a wedding.

Wayne Riley

Peter Skrabak‘s gentle guitar playing contributed a special quality to the celebration, before and after the ceremony.

When a couple marries, two families become one. This was how I experienced the occasion yesterday. The smiling faces, humour, ease and happiness were very evident to me.

The groom’s family was Jewish. His mother was keen that he should “smash the glass”, as is the custom at Jewish weddings. The hotel staff wrapped a wine glass in a strong linen napkin. The groom played his part to shouts of joy, only later remarking that it is customary to use a light bulb – much easier to crush under foot. Wine glasses are not generally designed for smashing. Fortunately, his shoe was strong and his foot was not bruised.

Once again, it was a great joy for me spending a little time chatting with the family after the ceremony. This wedding brought out a sweet quality of warmth, which is a pleasure for me to recall now a day later.

After days of mounting heat and humidity, it looked like the weather would break for the intimate family wedding at the magnificent Chateau de Cassis.

Beauty and splendour overlooking the Mediterranean

I arrived at this beyond wonderful venue, perched high up overlooking the Mediterranean Sea, in a light drizzle with storm clouds gathering.
The mothers of the couple greeted me and the groom’s mother declared that it was all perfect. Cloud cover is much better for photographs. And so it was.
The family had flown by private jet from Canada to Marseilles, a short distance from the Chateau. The Canadian flag was flying from the terrace. The wedding was being celebrated on Canada’s birthday – 1st July.
It is always a joy to work with other suppliers whom I have known from previous weddings because I recall happy memories from past celebrations. This time, talented photographer, Chris Hartwig – last met at the Chateau St Martin & Spa in Vence – was taking full advantage of the many photogenic corners, offered here in Cassis.
We were very blessed. The ceremony was held outside in a small courtyard. Only after the kiss and we all went indoors did the heavens open up with an impressive deluge of rain, thunder and streaked lightening. Nature has its own way of celebrating.
Very touching to me was the closeness and ease of this family gathering. Here was another occasion after which I floated back home, profoundly grateful and blessed by the loving, joy and warmth of a caring family and a young couple  embarking upon their new life together, as husband and wife.